Home

I love living off-campus. I just realized that today. Today, as I was walking off the train from downown to my West philly neighborhood (in addition to loving living off-campus, I also love SEPTA, our public transportation system). It feels good to feel away at times, you know. Away from school, away from work, away from businesses and computer labs and classmates and educational research and theories and students and case studies and Cereality (great store though, but how often do I go there a week? too often to put on my blog without shame...) and just everything. I so relish in my 15minute train ride from GSE to my apartment in deep West Philly...not the cutesy West Philly that's close to Penn and where most Penn students live, I'm talking the real West Philly...all you native Philadelphians can picture exactly what I'm talking about. I love my neighborhood. It's a little "rough around the edges" but it's safe, and as a city girl that's how I like my neighborhoods anyway. And it's my new home. And it's my new solace. This is gonna make me sound kinda creepy or dorky, but there's like a 5 minute walk from the train station to my block, and when I'm about to turn the corner of my block I always let out a little sigh of joy and relief and feel just little better than I did a few moments ago because I know that I'm home. It's not my natural home, but it's the home I've made to be. And me and my home are two lovers: we can't stand to be apart...
Especially not after crappy days like yesterday. That's when I really miss home. I'll stop being so harsh. Yesterday wasn't crappy, per se, it was just professionally challenging. I do fieldwork at Lea Elementary, a K-8 school in my West Philly neighborhood. I have a tutorial group of 3 6th graders whom I instruct in language arts. I've been struggling to develop good lesson plans, lesson plans that are both engaging and academically valuable...Finally I came up with the perfect lesson plan. We are analyzing poetry. I personally am not a poetry fan, but I do like music and I do recognize songs to be poems. that being said, I thought my boys would appreciate if we analyzed the Jay-Z song "Lost One" as a poem, looking for the main idea of each verse and finding figurative language in the verses (that's what their teacher said they had to do). And I cant take credit for this idea totally, Jamie (another blogger) helped me, so thanks Jamester! But anyway, it was a good lesson, but one of my students was totally giving me attitude all throughout the lesson! It took everything within me to keep my calm. You see, I don't play with ither people's little children and I am dfinitely not in 6th grade so I am not gonna allow a middle schooler to speak to me like I'm of his 6th grade friends. But I had to remain calm. Boy did I wanna be home; if I couldn't give him his justice, I wanted to be home. And I have to go back and teach again tomorrow. Hopefully he's better. I'm giving myself and him a fresh start tomorrow. And let's cross our fingers that this little boy has more sense than to get buck with me again...
Sometimes, though, home is the last place I wanna be. It's kinda like when you've been with your boyfriend for a long time and you don't wanna dump him, but your just bored and you want a break. Sometimes I want a break from home. That's why Spring Break is gonna be my grace this weekend...I still have to work, but I am at least taking a weekend off to vacay in ATL to visit my boyfriend's family with him for his birthday. And for those 4 days, I am going on a strict no work policy. I mean it. I will work every other day of Spring Break, but I believe that EVERY gradate student deserves some days in which they simply do not engge in any scholarly activity. It's healthy and rejuvenating. And March 2nd through March 5th, that's my plan...
til then, it's back to my home. which will suffice for now. I think I'm gona curl up in my bed right now. Tata!

update

heard back in a sort of unofficially official way that i got the job. i will be the dean of faculty this summer for Breakthrough Collaborative. Dean of Faculty basically means I will be supervising and mentoring the teachers who will teach the middle schoolers.
The only bad part is that it's in Miami. I don't want spend my summer in Miami. I know, this seems silly to some. But I'm just not as carefree as I used to be. I'm not in college anymore, I don't like the instability of moving all the time. And I don't know anyone in Miami, and seeing how shyer (is that a real word) I've gotten since I graduated college, I'm worried about whether or not I will make friends there. Particularly given that most of my age peers will be people I observe and evaluate...that ould be weird. And I don't wanna spend 10 weeks away from my boyfriend. And I wanted to network with Breakthrough in Philly so I could get a fulltime job with them here (my whole plan)...and I'm not even thin enough to be going to Miami beaches in little bathing suits and at least enjoy that aspect of my summer...I don't know if I'm gonna take the job...I'm nervous and scared and I don't wanna be alone. But it will definitely further my career. i'm confused...
On a brighter note, at least I did get the job...

so sometimes I really wonder why I am at Penn now. not in a bad way, it's just that sometimes I kinda regret not having gotten teaching experience prior to coming to Penn. I was actually talking about this with my dad yesterday (i know: me, talk to my father?! but sometimes things change, ya know) and i kinda realized that sometimes i find it hard to focus on the things I'm learning in my courses because I don't have, or haven't had, a real context through which I can appropriately examine and apply the stuff I learn. for all of you out there in blog land that are considering coming to Penn, you may want to think about whether or not you want professional experience, or how much profesional experience you want, prior to coming to GSE. for me, it's a double-edged sword. going straight from undergrad to grad was a way for me to build my professional confidence before I entered the education work-world, since I presumably would have more knowledge and theory to put into my practice. now i see that that future-comfort is sometimes coming at the expense of me getting the most out of my classes...
so, some good news: i'm really excited about my chances of getting this summer job i want. it's with Breakthrough Collaborative, which is an awesome educational organization for adolescents. since i've been working with them for the past two summers, i'm eligible to be a Fellow this summer. having gone through two interviews thus far and just outright asking about my chances, my odds are really good for me getting this. they basically told me that with my experience with the program, skills, teaching experiences in general, and resume (thank you Penn for being a great name to have on a resume!), all the sites want me! but i wont get official word back until march 1st...and i have another interview sometime next week. don't worry guys, ill keep ya posted!
had a talk with my advisor today, too. that was odd. i had some conflicts, if you will, in her class last semester, and this was my first one-on-one with her since then. it was really great though. we actually got to discuss what the conflict was with me last semester, how it could be improved, and my overall experience at GSE thus far. she's really interested in me as a person, and making sure that i am both socially and academically comfortable at GSE. one of the big tenets of our discussion was my experience as an African American at GSE. just keeping it real, i'm not used to being a minority (i went to Spelman College, and HBCU, and I grew up in North Philly, which as majority African American), and it was a big culture shock and a sort of sense of loneliness being at GSE. my Psychology of African Americans course (EDUC 522 for anyone thats interested) has helped me to flush through these issues (not to mention that there are more African Americans in this course than ive seen in any of my other classes). but yeah, its an issue, and its real. but im working through it and learning a whole lot about myself and other people, so i have no choice but to be appreciative and opportunistic while im here...
also, to you out there in blog land, show me some love! send me a comment or email me or just let me know something!
peace!

weekend

this weekend was kinda crazy. going to grad school is definitely a balancing act. at least for me it is.

for my psychology of african americans course (which is EXCELLENT, by the way), I had to interview my grandma to understand race relations in her community when she was growing up. i kinda double-dipped during these hours, using them as both devoted to schoolwork and connecting to family (yes, with my schedule. i have to put family time in my schedule too). the interview was very interesting (my grandmother's family were sharecroppers on a south carolina farm in the 1940s-1950s...needless to say, race relations were kinda strained in her neighborhood), and it just felt good to be chilling with my grandma. just felt good to be not at work and not at school and not sleep, but just chilling, with my mind off of academia or things of serious importance. i needed that. this semester, i find myself so involved in schoolwork. time with my grandma was definitely necessary. i guess thats one advantage of going to school in my hometwon- being able to visit my family.

time with my grandma was pretty much my whole saturday. i spent the rest of saturday (while at my grandma's and when i got back to my apartment) read for my psychology of african americans course. some really interesting things, btw, such as identifying "whiteness" and its invisibility in our consciousness...but yeah, spent the evening reading. i wanted to go out and do something sweet or romantic with my boo, but that failed because we just ended falling asleep (we are both full-time grad students with 2 part-time jobs...we're tired most of the time...)

sunday was spent waking up late, going to sunday school, reading a novel my 6th grade tutoree students are reading (I just joined this classroom, so I have to catch up to where they are in the novel. it's call Hush, btw, by Jacqueline Woodson. a good book, but boys may find it a bit boring) while watching the superbowl at my boyfriend's aunt's house (again: balancing act), coming home and lesson planning for my tutoring group, reading articles for my other class, and then falling asleep by 1-ish.

but i am content with my weekends. hope i dont sound otherwise. i enjoy waking up late and being able to get into my readings and spend time with my family and call my college friends who i dont see anymore and watching tv and overdue rental dvds and cooking dinner and lounging around in my Penn sweats and t-shirt...my weekdays are pretty much filled with my job1-job2-class/fieldwork-reading articles-sleep cycle...i cant appreciate the weekends enough! grad school has definitely been a balancing act for me. but one i have learned to successfully and happily manage. i fudge a lot on my schedule, stealing minutes here and there for laughs and fun and rest. a balancing act, but one ive learned to manage very easily.